When I walked in the doors to that space station I was moved by the rush of memories and feelings that came flooding back. I’ve always known that I have a genuine love and respect for the Universe, I mean I willingly watch space-related documentaries … for fun! But the feelings that were rushing at me that day were overwhelmingly powerful. My heart was humming, no joke. In the same passionate soulful way that my heart hums when I think of my children. A spiritual understanding that I am doing what I am meant to be doing with my life.
I tried desperately to describe these feelings to my Husband … “so why didn’t you follow this path then Jen?” he asked.
Yes, why??
All I could tell him was that at 13yrs old I believed I wasn’t smart enough. But why?
I can’t single out any one occasion or person who actually stated “you are not smart enough young Jenny.” But I believed it to be true. Without a doubt. Isn’t that sad?
You see, I was a creative type. To me, doing anything creative was easy. Fun. Not hard work at all. Book learning was hard work. I had lots of very smart friends, they made it look so easy. So I must not be smart right?
That single thought stopped me from following what may have been my ideal career. What a shame.
I thought about these feeling for many days after our visit to Tidbinbilla. Here I was embarking on mature-aged studies but maybe I’m actually not smart enough. Maybe I will be wasting my time, my family’s time, only to reaffirm my original belief.
Maybe …
Here’s what I knew for sure; that old thought about not being smart enough was the reason why I didn’t pursue a future in a field that makes my heart hum. It obviously still does. Natural Medicine makes my heart hum too, in just the same way. I mean, there’s so much to discover about the human body and how it responds to natural therapies, so much still left to discover … just like the Universe. Maybe that’s the key.
But if I’m not smart enough I won’t make it.
So what if I just DECIDE that I AM smart enough?
What would that mean? What would that feel like? What could that lead to?
So I did.
From that moment on I decided that I WAS smart enough. Just like that. After all, the only person here telling me that I wasn’t smart enough was Me.
I am in control of Me.
I can change Me.
Just Me.
My approach to my studies now is one of genuine interest. A true readiness to learn, to use this amazing strong brain that has no limitations on it any more. I have flung wide open the doors to my brain and I let the knowledge pour in like rain. As a result, I am loving every glorious moment of study. Because every moment moves me one step closer to achieving my dream. The dream of working in a field that makes my heart hum. And when I achieve it, it will be for the 13yr old me who believed, wrongly, that she wasn’t smart enough.
Because I am.
And I’m bloody worth it.
)O(